How does a day in recovery go?

Hi my name is Tal, and I am an addict. I am an addict with 3 years’ worth of “clean time” which is a word that in this context means time without drugs. I may have 3 years behind me but I am still an addict, I still have the disease of addiction and I still struggle. I wanted to write a blog post containing what my life as someone with multiple disabilities and chronic pain is like in the context of my addiction recovery because life on life’s terms turns out to be a difficult thing too accept at times.

5am– I wake up, say my serenity prayer and whisper “just for today”. I go and make coffee and sit down scrolling on social media, catching up on the nights events. It occurs to me on this Monday morning that too many people spend their Saturday night (which they are just posting about) getting completely wasted and posting all over the internet saying how much they love everyone and if that’s what they put on facebook I wonder what they text and ring people to say… Is it always confessions of love and laughter or is there sometimes a darkness to these messages? Does a drunk mind really tell the world what their sober heart says or is a inebriated brain just talk a lot of nonsense? Either way, Im glad to be sober.

7am– its time for breakfast which normally comes with more coffee… Is coffee/caffeine my new drug of choice? Surely not. Then I facetime my mum and sister to say good morning. I feel comfort while I am talking to people as since I moved out of the family home, I have missed having someone around me for most of the day. I also take my meds.

8.45am– I start getting ready for the virtual morning meeting where I work (lock-down has made the meeting more challenging but we have worked it out and it runs smoother than when it first started) and then the first half of the ninth hour of the day is taken up with this meeting. I have the next four hours taken up with work. My job is something that I truly enjoy. I have so much happiness when I feel like I am giving back to a system that has helped me thrived in so many ways… I like to think Im good at my job too, if you don’t mind me saying so.

1pm– Its lunchtime and Im not sure what to make. I settle for some sort of risotto that has been cooked weeks ago and has been frozen in the freezer for that time. I very much have the addict mentality of wanting the thing now and not being very good at waiting for it, so I defrost and cook the risotto, check the temperature with my cooking thermometer to make sure it is hot enough to be safe to eat and then I sit down and enjoy. After I have eaten I take more medication.

3pm– I have a visit from one of my mums. We talk for a few hours and then she leaves to go home. I instantly miss her and have to find a distraction from the lonely feeling in my chest. I again, scroll on social media and write. I do a lot of writing. I find that it fulfils my need to express myself and how I feel. I post this writing onto my blog and facebook page and wait for responses. I often feel like crap if I don’t get responses. I feel like I have failed, which of course is nonsense but my mind instantly goes to a self-critical head space. Many addicts find they quickly go to self-critical places after a “failure”, even if it is only a minor error.

5pm– Seeing as it’s a Monday, I ought to fill my meds box back up, which makes me have the same realisation every singly Sunday. How the hell can I call myself “drug free” when I am on over 20 pills a day. Pain killers such as opiates included. Nerve blockers, anti-inflammatory pills and muscle relaxers all make up my daily meds. I have a stable relationship with my medication and 100% don’t abuse them, but being on so many due to my chronic illnesses and pain….its challenging. I rarely take any notice when I am taking each dose but looking at an entire weeks’ worth of pills and pain patches, it dawns on me that the number of tablets I am on is not terribly normal for a 22-year-old. But, alas, it keeps me able to move around and be as well as I can be.

6pm– Dinner time, I simply have beans on toast to start to use the loaf of bread I bought so it doesn’t go out of date. Also, again, it is a quick meal and one that I can cook in one pan, therefore less washing up which saves my fingers from dislocating, which they do often.

7pm– I watch Tv for two hours to pass the time. Maybe I write another post. Maybe I ring a friend. Maybe I just 100% throw myself into episode after episode of the sitcom I’m current watching. I think I keep myself so busy to stop my mind going down deep tunnels as it can be hard to climb out of them once I have reached the bottom. I don’t want to think about using. I don’t want to think about anything that was encouraging my using. I just want to be 100% distracted from the devil in my brain.

9pm– It is meds time and then time to ring my mum and sister again to say goodnight. I feel tired and kinda guilty that I didn’t go to a meeting tonight. I make a promise to myself to go to the one tomorrow night. I chat to my mum and sister about the day. We talk about all the things that went well that day and what we are grateful for. Its something that Im not terribly keen on doing but I find it helpful. We discuss our three best moments/things of the day and what we are looking forward to tomorrow. We then wish each other goodnight and sweet dreams before we all, in our own homes, go and get into bed and settle for the night by 10pm.

When I write it down it is clear that the ways in which my addiction effect my day, in relation to my chronic illness in particular, are often significant. I do not allow my brain to go on tangents too often because I know its not productive and I would much rathe be kept busy but I find myself thinking about how my recovery has impacted on the way my day goes. In good ways and bad ways. In the challenging and the comforting.

Either way, its impact if far less than it was three (plus) years ago and for that I am truly grateful.

Tal x

“Do We Really Need Subtitles?”//#deafawareness

I spend a vast amount of time watching TV, or rather I have done since lockdown, and because my ears are really bad at being ears, I have the subtitles on. Now, this has become second nature to me and I am quick to read from them and understand, for the most part, what is going on but I have found that since my hearing became worse when I turned 17, some people really don’t like subtitles and here is where I run into the question that frustrates me more every time I hear it.

“Do we need the subtitles on?”

The short answer is “yes, yes we bloody do!” but because I am that person that hates conflict, I only ever say that internally.

As a Deaf person I can 100% tell you that subtitles are a lifeline for me. I have moderate hearing loss which means that I mostly use visual pointers (lip reading, BSL and written English) to work out what in the hell is going on. Subtitles keep me in the loop of my favourite shows otherwise I have to have the volume up so high that my neighbours could hear, word for word, what is on my TV.

So yes, we absolutely do need subtitles on.

I think, in reality, this ask for things to be more comfortable for you is not simply about you not wanting to have the subtitles on. I believe your request is because society engrains an erasure of disabled peoples issues. Think about it…

Wheelchair trollies at supermarkets don’t fit most chairs.
There are steps into every bloody café and corner shop you try and go in.
Disabled people are placed into inaccessible homes because its cheaper not to make adjustments.
You often have to pay for mobility aids because there’s a 18 month waiting list for a NHS wheelchair.
Deaf or blind cinema viewings are often on at ridiculous times of the day, as are TV shows.
Disabled toilets don’t always fit a wheelchair in them.
Pavements aren’t wide enough for a walker.
BSL isn’t taught in mainstream schools.
Videos online often don’t have transcripts or audio descriptions.

I could go on….

When all these barriers are put-up to get in the way of disabled people every day, you are just reminded that you are seen as a lesser person. And even when there are people standing up for your rights, they are almost always misinformed able-bodied people that don’t listen to what disabled people are saying about accessibility.

 Society always pushes us to the back, we are praised and told “ah, its so great that your out and about” when we are only going to the local shop to get some milk. We are seen as inspirational, just for existing and that is because we are painted as people who cant ever do things for ourselves, which is not always true.

When I hear someone say that they don’t want the subtitles on when they are in my home, I wish I could remind them that as a Deaf person, this is my way of breaking down a barrier and letting me enjoy entertainment from home. If you don’t want to help make things accessible for me then the above few paragraphs are true about you. You think that your pet peeve of having captions on the TV is more important than me being able to have any idea of what is going on. Don’t get me wrong, its not your fault you think this. It is mostly down to society’s preference to keep disabled people out of sight and out of mind and the influence that this able-bodied-normative (I really don’t think that is a word) approach that society abides by, has had on you. You are not in control of your subconscious, however the effort that you might put into complaining about your irritations at a disabled persons expense, could be put in to thinking about consciously changing your thought process…

“Do we need subtitles?”

Do you even need to be here, Karen?!

Tal x

25 Things to do when you are Suicidal

There are a million different ways to get trapped in your brain. To get purely engulfed in thought. You do it when your watching the football, you do it when you are engaged in conversation and you even do it when you are hungry. When you are 100% focused on one thing you can often not be able to think of anything else. When you need a drink (a soft one, obvs!) you can get completely distracted by anything you are doing because you are only focused on one thing, despite doing the essay you need to be writing or the book you are trying to read.

The problem with our brains being susceptible to this way of pure and intense focus on one thing can be brilliant. It can make you be productive and efficient and brilliantly focussed. However, when the thought you are deeply submerged in is one of self-destruction, it can become dangerous and even life threating. Self-preservation becomes a quiet voice in the background until you cant hear it at all over the thoughts about risking your safety due to the overwhelming loudness of these damaging thoughts.

When one is suicidal or wanting to self-harm they can become only able to hear the thoughts that would help in the destruction of their well-being and there is no doubt about how difficult that can be to shift.

However, we can use the same intense focus to shift the thoughts onto something else. If we mindfully concentrate on different topics we can reverse the intense need to do harm to ourselves. These new topics have to be focussed on in a certain way, and that is what I am here to explain.

If we say we are trying to distract ourselves from these thoughts then we are using the participate skill of the mindfulness rules outlined by Marsha Linehan who founded the therapy known as Dialectical Behaviour Therapy which teaches people with impulsive and self-damaging behaviours to not to be led by these thought but to be focused on being led by mindfulness in everyday life.

Mindfulness often feels too much, to complex and too challenging to people, but using the what and how skills Linehan lays out, it could not be simpler.

What- Observe, describe, participate
How– Non-judgementally, one-mindfully and effectively

Today we are just going to focus on the participate skill and how we can make it work to the best of our ability.

When Linehan says participate, she means to throw yourself, whole-heartedly, into whatever activity you might be doing and by using the how skills you are going to do this activity with no judgement (in this case it means you are going to be openminded to trying the activity you are doing), you are going to do it one-mindfully (which means that you are only going to do one thing at a time and totally focus on it) and you are going to be as effective as possible (you are going to do something you think will actually work, not just pick at random as there’s very little point in doing something you hate to try and distract yourself).

With all that in mind, here is a list of my top 25 things, in no particular order) that I enjoy doing to distract myself from dangerous thoughts so if you get stuck, you can have a look here and see what you might like to try as something new and something that might work to change your thought process…

1. Cook or bake something (even if you give it to a friend)
2. Listen to music and dance or sing to your hearts content.
3. Call or facetime a friend or relative that you are close to and ask for support
4. Call or facetime someone you don’t know so well and talk about easy topics to distract
5. Do your hair or make up (even if you aren’t going anywhere!)
6. Play a game on your phone
7. Write a poem or story
8. Scroll one social media
9. Tidy your living space
10. Go shopping with £20 and see what bargains you can find for ONLY the £20
11. Clean out your handbag/rucksack/suitcase/etc
12. Re-arrange your living space
13. Re-arrange your kitchen cupboards and drawers
14. Get creative
15. Make lists for your next supermarket shop
16. Look though pictures from years ago and maybe even put them upon a wall
17. Go for a walk, even just to the corner shop to get a drink
18. Do a random act of kindness
19. Have a bath or a shower and pamper yourself
20. Make your favourite snack and eat it
21. Imagine what you would spend money on if you won the lottery (my mum does this to fall asleep!)
22. Window shop online
23. Have a nap
24. Read something (a book, blog or article) that will make you smile
25. Watch videos online that you think will make you laugh

Those are just a quick list of things you could do to distract yourself while you are in an emotionally volatile space but please remember to do these things whole heartedly so they have much more of a chance of working. If something isn’t working after half an hour, try a different thing on the list. Just don’t give up because the one you have tried isn’t working for you after five minutes.

What other things would you add to this list? Comment below for to give people more ideas!

Tal x

Face-Coverings and D/deaf Communication

Face coverings are (finally) mandatory in shops. There is zero doubt, in my mind at least, of their benefits and the fact that they are playing an enormous part in keeping people safe and well. However, for someone who is hard of hearing or D/deaf, they can be a huge barrier in regards to being able to effectively communicate with hearing people.

I am not, even for a moment, saying that masks should not be worn! They are essential in regards to the wellbeing of humanity. They are needed and beyond important. What I am saying though is that D/deaf people are being forgotten by the majority of the hearing community and that is absolutely not okay! D/deaf and HOH people need to be able to communicate as effectively as possible in order to not be socially isolated, to not be less able to go about their day and to be able to ask for possibly lifesaving help…

So the question is- how does the hearing community communicate with people who both cant hear and cant see what they are saying? Lucky for you, dear reader, I am Deaf and am a lipreader so I am happy to give you my experience and pointers of what may help D/deaf and hard of hearing people be able to understand you…

Ways to communicate with someone who is D/deaf or HOH:

• If you want to get a D/deaf/HOH persons attention, try waving or (gently!) tapping them on the shoulder. Do not shout, clap or click at them. There are other ways of getting a deaf persons attention such as stamping on carpet or hardwood floor or turning the lights off and back on again but these are normally used by people who know the D/deaf person, as they may have a preference as to which one they like to be alerted by. Remember that you don’t get to decide which is best, the D/deaf person does.
• You have a few options as to what to do communication-wise but the most effective way, in my opinion, to communicate is to have done some homework in the form of learning some basic sign language (the type of sign language with vary depending on which country you are from as there are many types) via either Deaf friends or family, BSL teachers or even Deaf YouTubers. This is especially important if you work with lots of people (for example working at a supermarket).
• You can also write down what you need to say on a piece of paper and pass them the pen so they can do the same. There are also apps for this that you can download, remembering of course that it is not just the D/deaf persons responsibility to have these apps downloaded.
• There are also apps and websites that can connect you do a sign-language interpreter for moments when you get incredibly stuck.
• There is always the option of stepping back a safe distance and remove your face covering or to change into a face shield which, if you work in a place like a supermarket, should be available to you but I understand that members of the general public may not have access to these.
• Speak as clearly as possible and at a loud, but not aggressive, volume. This may seem obvious but some people struggle with this. Speaking at a steady pace and being as clear as you can is incredibly helpful to those of us with reduced hearing, please remember though not to speak aggressively when you are raising your volume. It sounds simple but it is something you need to be aware of for the benefit of the person you are speaking to, as no one likes being shouted at!

The likelihood is that you have read this far because you want to help people to be able to communicate effectively and for that, I am grateful. If you follow these steps and speak to other D/deaf/HOH people and get their viewpoint too, you cant really go wrong.

Doing your best is all you can do.

And we all thank you for trying.

Tal x

The Joys of Being a “Frequent Flyer” with FND

As I sit in the emergency department of a nearby hospital, looking at dozens of familiar faces, it occurs to me that most of the people here that I have met previously are not being friendly. They are glaring at me with eyes that say “what are you doing here again?” and “I swear you were only here three weeks ago” and, well, they have a point.

One of the perks (/s) of being chronically ill and disabled means that I am often injured or sick. Most of the time these are manageable at home, I just pop myself back into place and sit very still with a mug of coffee and wait for it to blow over. However, every so often (and it can be often) I am left with a symptom, sickness or slip-over that needs a check at A&E… Its not something I enjoy (you wouldn’t of thought this needed to be said, but apparently it does) and its not something I do without being incredibly anxious but when it needs to be done then I, albeit begrudgingly, go.

After the, often painful, journey there I arrive and am triaged. I know the system and they know me. They have branded me with a dangerous label which is that, due to me having a diagnosis of functional neurological disorder, all of my symptoms are functional.

“Functional” is a word which here means; a symptom of unknown/of no origin. Personally, I have a large number of neurological symptoms that are not believed to be linked to any specific condition or injury. I have seizures, but no epilepsy, reduced sensation in my legs but no paraplegia and a whole host of other symptoms with no (known) biological cause. These symptoms are, as for many people, extremely debilitating but that is not the worst part of my FND. The most difficult challenge I face with it is the stigma. My symptoms, you see, are 100% real and people in the neurology world know that this is true. When I am seizing, for example, I am completely unresponsive to visual and audio ques as well as pain. A neurologist has evaluated my seizures, my observations and scans to conclude that many of my symptoms are in fact benign; however there can be complications from them resulting in serious injury even though the symptoms themselves cant harm me.
But when other people hear the word “functional” they interpret it as if it means “fake”. Which is absolutely wrong.

So, when I go to hospital I am often dismissed as if I was someone looking for drugs or benefits. I feel like if I was there less often this would not be the case but because my symptoms are severe when they flare and can often mimic serious conditions, I am often left with no choice but to go and see a medical professional out of fear that the mimicking symptoms may not actually be mimicking this time around.

But anyway, I digress….

When one turns up in hospital multiple times in a year, due to physical or mental health problems, they are often put into an intangible group called “frequent flyers” which can mean that they don’t get treated as well as they might do had they not gone to the department so many times. It is almost understandable why this happens… If I were to use myself as an example: I have attended many times with my functional seizures and the more times I go, the less worried about me they become because I was “fine last time” and the less worried they become the more likely it is for a mistake to be made. But then if I come in with any new symptom that appears like it could possibly be purely functional (which by the way, is pretty much any symptom because FND can mimic most things) then it is automatically labelled so… I have been told that my abdominal pain was functional, when it turned out to be a ruptured ovarian cyst, I have been told my neuropathic pain was functional and it was actually peripheral neuropathy, as discovered by a hospital in another city that I travelled to so I could get a second opinion and at the same hospital where I got that second opinion, I was told that my “functional cramp” (which is not a real thing!!!) was actually episodic dystonia.

I have, somehow, been painted as someone that can only have symptoms with no risk to them which, ironically, adds far more risk to the situation.

I have come around from seizures on the floor without someone with me which can only lead me to believe that I have been seizing with no medical help despite nurses and doctors walking past where I am being observed from. If I am only being watched from afar and, as I have been told, being simply reassured while seizing from metres away- anything could happen.

I have had a large number of dislocations, cuts, grazes, bruises and even a respiratory arrest because of my seizures, they are not harmless by any measure, and yet they are branded so and because I am quite well known to the A&E team, I get the same treatment every time.

This is the reality of being someone that attends the emergency department often. They become dismissive because they’ve “seen it before” so they don’t worry about it when they really should. When I was in hospital often with my mental health, I got the same sort of treatment. It honestly doesn’t matter why you are there, if you are there often- this type oftreatment happens.

The staff are not being malicious, they are desensitized which is totally, totally different.

I love the NHS for saving so many lives over the past seventy-something years, but there is something wrong with the way that “frequent flyers” get treated.

As someone that works with people in a support role I can understand, as much as I can, the frustrations of working with people who are in need of help, who can be blunt and rude at times due to them being so completely freaked about whatever their situation is at present. And, separately to that, I can understand where a lot of frustration comes from as a professional about limitations of the service you can provide, among many other barriers we come to in our roles, but there needs to be more awareness of the fact that the people who attend A&E frequently are not doing so for fun. They are often doing so because they have a long-term/chronic illness or life-altering injury.

We don’t mean to be there so often but when it happens, we deserve basic no harm done and respect.

That’s all.

Tal x

Some Things I Believe…

Some things I believe in:

• People are fundamentally good.
• There is always another view point and that doesn’t necessarily mean one of them is wrong.
• Trans/disabled/queer/black/Hispanic/women’s/children’s rights are human rights.
• Tea and coffee should be made without milk.
• If you have nothing kind to say, fuck off.
• Mental illness is not a competition.
• Sign language is much more beautiful than spoken language.
• What works for one may not work for another.
• A work/life, mental-health/-physical-health, cared-for/carer balance is essential.
• Addiction is not a choice, recovery is.
• My mum gives the best hugs.
• Accessibility doesn’t stop at a ramp.
• Everyone has potential.
• I believe the future is WHATEVER THE HELL WE MAKE IT!
• Consent is not just about sex.
• Sometimes its about the question, not the answer.

And lastly, I believe in the power of believing, not necessarily in religion but in life or fairy-dust or in a “plan” or in yourself!

Does Time Heal Trauma? // RecoveryTalk

Does time really heal everything? Honestly, Im not sure. I think time has a place in the healing process but I think it has very little to do with the length of time and more to do with the quality of time.

If youll indulge me in a metaphor, the way I like to look at it is, if you imagine you scrape your knee and its horrible and painful and you look at it (once its sunk in that you have actually had this injury occur) and you think “that’s going to take a long time to heal!”, which is no doubt correct, and you stick a plaster on it and then leave it alone for two weeks… That absolutely is one way of dealing with it! But what youll find more often than not is that when you take that plaster off its still got dirt in it and it’s a bit infected and nasty and scarred and painful.

Whereas, if you were to clean that wound and then spray it with first aid spray and then put a non-stick hypoallergenic dressing on it and a compression bandage over the top, then change it in a few days for a hydrocolloid plaster then not only would it heal faster but it would heal better!

See, recovery is not about getting as much done in as little time. Its about getting as much done to give you as much time as you can have. Good-quality, stable time.

You don’t want to rush through recovery only to be left with a platform that is all too easy to topple off. You want to set your foundations strong and revisit them as often as you need/want to keep them steady and reliable. And how do we do this?

You start with things that you can do to help you feel good and provide fulfilment… Then things that help you feel like youre good at something, something that makes you feel a sense of accomplishment… Then with any free time you fill with things that get you to feel gratitude for the little things which will lead onto bigger things and bigger things and soon you’re on the MASSIVE things that just make you feel grateful to be alive!

Fulfilment, accomplishment and gratitude are just a few of the things that hold me up in my recovery. Everyone’s “things” are different and that’s okay! You will find yours.

So, (after a whirlwind of a tangent) does time heal trauma? Yes! But it has to be more than just time alone. You cant just stick a plaster on things and wait a while. You have to put the work in (when it’s a safe time to do so) so you don’t fall at the first hurdle.

But, hey, you’ve got this!

Tal x

Are We Attention-Seeking?

Are we attention seeking? It’s a good question really because, honestly, yes. Sometimes we are.

Stay with me, its not what you think!

When someone with a mental health problem seeks help (often for a physical injury caused by their mental health eg; self harm, suicide attempt, a fall caused by substance misuse etc) they are often worried about being viewed as an “attention seeker” and as someone who has been that person, even if I am only able to talk about my own experience of this, it often feels like it’s the question everyone wants to ask us but rarely does…

“Did you do this for attention?”

If theyre not asking it then theyre inferring it and if theyre not inferring it then we still think that they are “obviously” thinking it because why wouldn’t they be? If you are dealing with a mental health problem or previous trauma or substance misuse or anything that has gotten you to this point where you are physically injuring yourself based on how you are feeling then youll often find that your level of self-esteem is sub-zero on a scale of 1-10, by which point full and rational logic will have flown away. In your eyes, the world hates you and everyone is judging your every move. And people working in a professional capacity around you couldn’t possibly understand how youre feeling even after you explain it. So why wouldn’t they think your attention seeking?

The problem with the phrase attention seeking is not what it actually means but rather its connotations. When people hear the phrase attention seeking they often think that what the person saying it means is “that person is not in any emotional pain whatsoever and needs to stop hurting themselves and coming in here because theyre bored and lonely, they need to pull themselves together and just get on with their lives and stop bothering us!”.

THIS
IS
NOT
WHAT
THAT
MEANS!

When a professional is assessing you, they are often looking for your motivation for doing what you are doing or have done that got you to the point where you are presenting at a service asking for physical or emotional help. However, so rarely are they EVER thinking “this person is attention seeking” and if they do think that then its incredibly rare for them to mean it in the cold, hostile way that those of us with mental health problems hear it.

Attention seeking does not mean that the person that is doing it is in no emotional pain. Attention seeking means they are in so much emotional pain that there is no other way for them to express it than to cause themselves physical pain, in the hopes that someone will take notice of what theyre going through internally.

That is the take-away I want from this post. People are so resentful of the phrase that is a legitimate mental health symptom. Sometimes, people with mental illnesses do attention seek- but can you bloody blame us! We are passed from team to team and service to service with no real intervention from a professional and there are only so many times you can tell someone whats going on for you (which is painful enough on its own) before we start to feel like no one can see our pain! Like no one is hearing us!

The phrase “attention seeking” is not synonymous with lying or manipulating. It can be as simple as expressing a symptom that you normally try desperately hard to hide because that is exhausting. Constantly suppressing is exhausting and no one blames you for showing how you feel in a particular moment because that is actually the healthier option.

I think, and its just an opinion, that people need to explain to professionals when they are doing something as a way of expressing that they need help, but in order for people to be able to do that we need to have faith that no one in the healthcare profession is judging when a patient or client says theyre harming themselves match the hurt theyre feeling on the inside, so that someone can see how much their heart hurts because they can see a wound on the patients skin.

When you are constantly invalidated, and sometimes outright not believed, then of course some people are going to seek the validation, the care, the attention they so desperately need.

Attention seeking is a symptom of being mentally ill. Most of us will do it at least once in our lives. And its okay! There are more healthy ways than harming ourselves but seeking help is not something to be ashamed of.

So yes, sometimes people with mental illness attention seek. I did on more than one occasion, and Im not ashamed of it because it what I needed to do at the time. There are better ways to express that you need help, such as a conversation with a professional, but often they don’t listen and I know how frustrating that can be as a patient but also as a staff member with limited resources.

There is no shame in asking for help. You do not have to act in a certain way or do something different to get the help you need and deserve. Just asking is okay too,

Be kind to yourself and others,

Tal x

GLOBAL hotlines

Just a quick list of some of the suicide hotlines that are available around the world.

Stay safe!

Argentina: +5402234930430
Australia: 131114
Austria: 142; for children and young people, 147
Belgium: 106
Bosnia & Herzegovina: 080 05 03 05
Botswana: 3911270
Brazil: 188 for the CVV National Association
Canada: 1.833.456.4566, 5147234000 (Montreal); 18662773553 (outside Montreal)
Croatia: 014833888
Denmark: +4570201201
Egypt: 7621602
Estonia: 3726558088; in Russian 3726555688
Finland: 010 195 202
France: 0145394000
Germany: 08001810771
Holland: 09000767
Hong Kong: +852 2382 0000
Hungary: 116123
India: 8888817666
Ireland: +4408457909090
Italy: 800860022
Japan: +810352869090
Mexico: 5255102550
New Zealand: 0800543354
Norway: +4781533300
Philippines: 028969191
Poland: 5270000
Portugal: 21 854 07 40/8 . 96 898 21 50
Russia: 0078202577577
Spain: 914590050
South Africa: 0514445691
Sweden: 46317112400
Switzerland: 143
United Kingdom: 08457909090
USA: 18002738255